I miss being obsessively obsessed with writing and obsessively writing. Like how I felt during the second half of last year, when all I wanted to do was to write on the blog or my journal and read inspiring books, books about writing, and other people’s blogs that made me want to write better, but most importantly, write often.
Last year, I managed to write a daily post consistently for more than 40 days. I wrote at 2, 3, 5 AM; whenever I wasn’t able to sleep. I wrote while waiting for the pricing reports to download from the SAP and during Townhall zoom meetings.
When I took up running late last year, I used to stop in the middle of the track to write a short draft of whatever idea came to me. I also thoroughly documented our week-long stay on the farm during the new year.
These past few months, though, nada.
I have acceptable-ish reasons to ignore writing and skip blogging and journaling; from being swamped at work to multiple road trips to finding a house. But those can’t be my real reasons, can they? Because even during my studying-for-exam period last year, I resort to writing as a form of relaxation.
Writing was, is, my everything, so why haven’t I been writing as much??
The truth is, IDK what happened. IDK when exactly did I drop the ball-pen and stop becoming the diarist that I proudly identified myself to be.
I still have ideas coming knocking in; from the cows in Gippsland to waking up in the middle of the night because a flock of migrating birds were fighting outside our bedroom window.
It’s just I have trouble picking up the pen or letting my fingers dance on the keyboard long enough to form a piece or at least a very bad first draft.
I wish to be the person who obsessively writes while being obsessively obsessed with writing again.
While typing this, having not decided whether I will publish it, a thought came up: maybe pulling a few cards to clarify what is causing my writer block will be a good support for me. So I did the classic three-card spread: situation/ blockage/solution, with the humorous The Vision of Life tarot deck. Here is what came up:
The Enlightenment (The Sun)
Writing for me is a self-care, joy-giving activity. It’s my way of having fun and be in a state of creative flow.
Treachery (Ten of Swords)
The past few months have been mentally draining, mainly because I had been spending most of my free time researching the property market. The last thing I wanted to do after that was to keep staring on the laptop screen to whip up a blog post. I also have started going to the office, which means losing the luxurious morning-hour reserved journaling, drinking bed coffee and light tarot reading.
Btw during this reading, the image of the Ten of Swords in the Modern Witch deck came into my mind. On it, the witch is lying down, stabbed with ten swords, looking at her phone screen. I have been doing the same thing. I have been using my phone, especially Instagram, as my pacifier too much lately. Maybe it’s time to put a time limit on the phone or maybe delete the Instagram app altogether and redirect those minutes/hours to writing instead.
The Page of Wands is inviting me to restart the journey. To keep being curious, to trust (and notice) the magic of writing. Meanwhile, the Queen of Swords came as a reminder that I got this. So I need to keep going; with discipline and time management, I will soon dance with the writing goddess.
Also, maybe Insomnia is literally telling me to restart with my 5 AM random thoughts entry.
Meanwhile, penning this post indeed feel like a light at the end of the dry-spell writing tunnel.